The Hardest Thing
by tensionandthrill
Summary: Mercedes is off to find her dreams out in LA, forcing her and Sam to separate yet again just when they'd found their footing. Are either of them really ready to let go?
1. Chapter 1

Mercedes breaks it off the day before she leaves for college in Los Angeles. After everything they went through to make it work—after spending another _perfect_ summer together—she says goodbye.

She shields herself with practicality, blaming things like the miles between Los Angeles and Lima, their differing plans for the immediate future, and their age—but, the way her gaze flickers, settling anywhere but his face, and the way she bites her lip to keep it from trembling are telltale signs.

Sam can hear what she isn't saying. She's doesn't want to do this anymore than he does—she's scared. She should know better than to try and fool him, however. It's never worked before.

He tells her as much and she flatly denies it, her face screwed up in defensive ire. They just have to be realistic, she tells him—accept the fact that maybe, as much as they love each other, happily ever after just doesn't encompass them. They'd already tried their hand twice, but if life constantly wanted to propel them in different directions, maybe there was a reason for it.

She tells him she's saving them from the ultimate heartbreak of watching their relationship deteriorate over time, and implode later on over issues out of their control—conflicting schedules, different interests and goals, and the very real possibility that living apart for so long would change them as people, especially as she went through this life-changing first year being on her own and he forged through his most defining year of high school.

She says he'll thank her later because this is the best thing.

Sam is pissed. She _still_ doesn't understand there's no other option for him—for _either_ of them. They stumbled upon their fates that first prom night and there's no going back. They know all the ways in which they fit together now. Staying apart will just be another exercise in torture and no one else will ever feel just right.

He tries to tell her they'll be together again after this year—because really, the only thing he knows for certain about his future is that it's going to run parallel to hers. She was with him at his lowest, when he was abruptly forced from youth. She was his rock then and now, the light that kept the shadows at bay. After everything they'd been through, he knew—he'd always love her, always need her.

It doesn't really ease any of the emptiness she feels about having to leave him behind _now_. Too much is changing, and an admirable, yet vague, plan about how they'll keep in touch all the time while they live completely separate lives isn't concrete enough to hold on to.

They'd been through a forced separation before and it hadn't worked out so well then. They both remembered overwhelming loneliness and the sad tinge in all of their interactions after he'd left. Tear-filled Skyping sessions had wrought too much heartache, so they tapered off into less frequent phone calls. Affected cheer, thinly veiling how much they missed each other, made conversation awkward, leaving the occasional text as their primary mode of communication—and what relationship could really survive on a few toneless words and smiley faces?

All of Sam's protests fall on stubborn ears. She's resolute and she's out the door moments later, using last minute packing as an excuse.

Sam is mad as shit, but he still shows up at the airport to see her off. He only rolls his eyes as she tries to shake off his hug, and pulls her closer, cradling her tightly against his body. She wraps her arms around his waist in spite of herself. A sniffle is the only warning he gets before she's sobbing into his chest and he doesn't care that her parents are watching when he lifts her face with his hands and presses a kiss onto her mouth.

They're both crying now and it's just like a scene from some sappy romance movie, but Sam doesn't care as he tries to tell her through his kiss that he loves her and he's going to go right on loving her even if she's intent on breaking his heart at the moment.

She stands in his embrace after, her head pressed against his heart, only relinquishing her hold on his waist to swipe a hand at the tears streaming silently from her eyes. Sam's forehead is pressed against her hair and his hand follows an idle pattern up and down her arm. His breaths are shuddered and her heart squeezes almost painfully as she takes in the erratic beat of his heart.

The boarding announcement finally brings them apart, but not before he kisses her chastely one last time. He tells her he'll still be there when she decides to stop torturing them both.

He watches her walk away, arms crossed against his chest, chewing hard on a stick of gum to keep from buckling. She turns back to wave just before she disappears around the corner, on to her life without him in Los Angeles.

He feels her father's hand on his shoulder just as he's about to make a fool of himself and run after her. As romantic as it is in the movies, following her through a security gate without a ticket would probably just land him in jail or strip searched in a tiny room, so he blows out a breath and offers the man a tight smile.

He waits until he's back in his room at the Hudmel's to completely fall apart, relieved that the house is empty. He loves Kurt, but this sobfest would probably provoke an offer of warm milk and a lady chat, and the last thing Sam wants to do is talk about it.

The tears seem to seep out all of his energy as they expend themselves. He cradles his pillow against his chest, replaying his last moments with Mercedes over and over in his head.

With every kiss, every touch—everything—between them since that fateful prom night he's been trying to tell her that she's it for him.

As the image of her last wave goodbye repeats in his mind, he closes his eyes, wondering when they'll get their timing right—and it's a matter of _when_ because he's not about anything less than being with her.

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**A/N:** Just a bit of head canon I decided to flesh out a bit. There will be three or four more segments to this.

**REVIEW**, please?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **This was taking me forever to write and then I finally had a burst of inspiration for it, and it came out the right way. So, here is the update. Thanks to everyone who has continued to review and alert for this story and who have written me really sweet messages about this fic. Every single one is a huge encouragement. It means so much. So, anyway, here is part two! I hope y'all enjoy it! :)

I pretty much listened Erik Hassle songs the entire time I wrote this. Not sure if it'll help your reading experience, but he's worth checking out—especially the song I mention here in this fic. Okay, so I won't take up any more space up here. On to the fic!

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The next time they see each other is over Thanksgiving break—a completely unexpected encounter. She expects him to still be in Kentucky with his family. He expects her to already be back in Los Angeles. They both wind up at a last minute get together at Tina's house, however. Sam stares at her like a famished man who's stumbled across a bountiful banquet. Mercedes stares at him like _oh, fuck_.

Everything about her is just as he remembers, but there's also something more that's different—more beautiful, more confident, more of everything he's still certain he wants. Everything about him is familiar in a comforting way that reminds her of home. For a girl whose life is still a swirl of constant change and adjustment, familiar is overwhelmingly enticing.

They haven't really interacted in any heartfelt way since she went out to LA. She has _rules_, you see—rules that keep him at arm's length so everything stays light and _just_ _breezy_ like they should between _friends_. No talking about relationships, no talking about feelings—_especially_ not any feelings like love, loneliness, or heartbreak, particularly where the other is concerned. No inappropriate looks of the longing or loving variety when they Skype—and _absolutely_ no more songs.

She only breaks the rules once, in the first weeks of her move, and he is happy to let her. She might not believe he will always be there, but he will, and he wants to prove it to her. So, when she called him from her dorm room that night, crying because she was already overwhelmed and impossibly homesick—though he was feeling plenty miserable himself—he reminded her that she's amazing, and she would get the hang of the big bad city if she just gave herself some more time.

The afternoon after that call, she came home to a YouTube link in her email, despite the 'no songs' rule. Sam recruits an eager Artie and Joe to help him sing _Bump in the Road_ by Erik Hassle, telling her to hang in there. She makes an .mp3 of that performance and plays it often to cheer herself up in those first few months. She doesn't tell him that, but she doesn't really need to. The video link is a private one, the view counter tells him all he needs to know.

He lets her have her rules, however—though he breaks one every now and then to make it clear she still has his heart. He'll take her any way he can have her…_for now_, even if all they talk about is _Game of Thrones_ and the crazy professor that teaches one of her extension classes. He'd rather talk to her about everything and nothing than pretend he's even remotely interested in any other girls.

He notices that she spends more of her nights in with him than out pretending she's even remotely interested in other boys. _That's interesting_, but he doesn't tell her that. He doesn't really need to. The look on her face as he stalks his way across Tina's living room to get to her—the one that says she's caught—tells him she knows.

Moments later, he's got her wrapped up in his arms, pulling her closer like he's done a million times before. She gasps lightly at the contact and blows out a shaky breath before giving in and hugging him back. She's missed him every bit as much as he's missed her. As the tears sting her eyelids, she knows, _her rules are fucked_.

So, when she finds herself pressed underneath him, after a discreet exit into the guestroom of Tina's house, it isn't really a surprise. That tether between them is still as strong as ever. They had spent the entire night after their hug, prior to this moment, rudely ignoring everyone else as they talked and danced, always finding a reason to be impossibly close to one another.

Now that they're finally all alone, she can only think about how much she's missed him when he kisses her, how perfectly they fit as he slips inside of her, and how trying to be just his friend is admittedly failing miserably. But she's rocking against him now and it feels incredible. She's losing her handle on her every thought in the process, so she doesn't tell him that. She doesn't really need to. The intensity of her kiss, after she whispers how much she loves him, tells him all he needs to know.

He wakes the next day to find her asleep, curled against him, and he almost thinks it's a dream—he's been having similar ones since she walked away from him that day back in August. But it's not a dream, the night before really happened. He doesn't even try to stop the happy smile that spreads its way across his face as he watches her sleep next to him. He wouldn't know how to.

He only gets a few more minutes to keep her to himself like this because she jerks awake when her cell phone goes off. Her flight back to LA is in four hours and her father is not amused that she's been out with Tina all night. He wants to laugh at the wince on her face as her dad continues his stern lecture through the phone, but Mr. Jones is not a man to be messed with and he knows where Sam lives.

She presses a chaste kiss to his lips when she finally hangs up the phone and wraps her arms around him in a hug. She has to leave him again, return to her life all those miles away, but maybe they can talk about their relationship once she is there. They'd already trampled all over the rules anyway.

It isn't perfect. It actually breaks his heart all over again to let her go one more time, but they are just a little closer to getting right. It is only a matter of time and he'll wait as long as it takes.

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**REVIEW**, please? Each one really means so much. Love to hear from y'all.

Special thanks to my twinnie for always sticking with me, even through the frustration. Love you! #wamforever!


	3. Chapter 3

Sam is the one that fucks it up and he knows it. Every time his calls are accepted by Mercedes' cheery voicemail message, it gets even clearer. It's been two weeks since she's answered any of his calls, and the happy lilt of her voice inviting him to leave her a message so she'll be sure to call him back seems to be mocking him at this point.

He's left _two weeks'_ worth of messages and he's yet to get his promised callback. Her inbox never fills up, so he keeps leaving them, hoping she's at least listening to them before she deletes them.

For the last two weeks he's had nothing but a whole lot of dead air and even more time to think about how things got to this point, and every time, he pinpoints their downfall to right around the time he started acting stupid—right around the time he'd been the worst combination of insecure and stubborn.

_The weeks after Thanksgiving are like living a dream. After months of abiding by her rules and keeping his feelings for her in check, Mercedes __**finally**__ lets her guard down. What happened between them that night at Tina's convinces her there's no point in saying she's moving on, or that they're over, when they're clearly still as in love with one another as they ever were. Distance might have forced a physical separation, but their hearts are still very much connected._

_Mercedes throws the rules out the window—they'd broken every single one by now anyway—and she, __**at long last**__, tells him she wants to try the long distance route. Sam literally feels like his heart will soar out of his chest. She laughs loudly as the wide grin spreads across his face, shortly before he abandons his seat in front of the computer to body roll his way around his room in celebration. _

_He lets out a few 'whoops' of joy, and Mercedes is crying with laughter when Burt Hummel's head pops into the room to check on Sam's mental state. He continues his celebration after he assures Burt all is well and Mercedes sighs wistfully, wishing she could be close to him in that moment._

_They only have to endure a couple weeks more apart, however, before she's home again for winter break. This time, Sam is expecting her, and he makes the most dramatic scene at the airport, picking her up and spinning her around until she's dizzy. He caps this reunion with a heart-stuttering kiss, and Mercedes is too lost in him to scold about drawing attention to them. Sam couldn't be less concerned anyhow. His baby's home—he doesn't care if anyone is watching._

_They make the most of their time, spending as much of the holiday together as they can. After their forced separation, getting to be together is intoxicating and they give in to it, spending their days in each other's arms, making memories to hold them through February, when Sam can come visit LA on his winter recess._

_Sam takes her to the airport this time. It's sad, but nowhere near as final as their last moment in this position had been. The wait for her boarding call is filled with sighs and pouts between lingering kisses. They didn't realize it at the time, but they were spoiled, getting each other all to themselves for the better part of three weeks—touching, kissing, and making love whenever they felt like it. To go from millimeters to miles apart is a huge adjustment but, they kiss goodbye, holding on to the promise of being together again soon._

_Life starts to test the strength of their relationship soon after that, however._

_Sam is bombarded with school obligations. He hopes for some scholarships in synchronized swimming and football, so he trains harder. He needs to keep up decent grades, so he starts tutoring sessions with Tina and Artie. He wants to be in LA with Mercedes in the fall, but he also has to consider other options, so he works on applications to a number of schools. He has a heavier load in Glee. Artie and Tina aren't the sort of captains Finn and Rachel were, so solos and responsibilities get split pretty evenly._

_Unfortunately, Mercedes' schedule isn't any less consuming. She is asked to take on extra sessions at the studio because the label is impressed with her work. She also starts making the rounds at several prominent open mic clubs, creating a bit of buzz about herself with the regulars. In addition to her school obligations, which are much more demanding in her second semester, she takes up performing with the school's concert chorus which has quite a bit of notoriety on campus._

_In short, their time to stay connected takes a significant reduction._

_They try to be understanding and supportive of the situation—they're both working hard towards their dreams—but they can feel everything starting to unravel a bit. Every canceled Skype date and every postponed phone call eats at them. It's all flashing back to their last separation and it scares them both. Mercedes doesn't want to have been right about her fears all along._

_To make matters worse, a boy from Mercedes' poetry class takes an avid interest in her and makes his pursuance of her a public tale on her Facebook wall. He writes how he loved the writing piece she read that day in class, how he enjoyed studying with her in the library, how he's glad she dragged herself out with him because it was nice seeing her let loose, how it was great to see her smile, how she looked stunning when she performed with the school's concert chorus, how he admired her moves. _

_None of these posts get much encouragement from Mercedes other than a few polite replies and smilies—and none of these posts imply that anything more than a friendship is going on—but it drives Sam __**crazy**__. The mere thought of another boy being there when he can't makes his skin crawl._

_He knows he should talk to Mercedes about how he feels, but he doesn't want to seem obnoxiously jealous—even if that's probably what he is. It'd only help 'poetry guy' out in the long run. _

Not being upfront with her—that was his first bout of stupidity.

_His insecurities nag at him with every new post. What if Mercedes was interested in this guy? He certainly saw more of her than Sam did these days. What if she was interested in college guys? What if she felt like he was holding her back? He was just a measly high schooler, after all. He didn't have much to offer anyone. What if she was tired of him being so busy all the time? What if she was over him and that's why she never seemed to have time for him anymore? What if…? What if…? What if…?_

_This was exhausting._

_The meltdown finally comes when poetry guy posts a picture of himself and Mercedes taken at a party and tags it to her wall. Sam takes in the dude's arm around her waist and her soft smile as she leans in to listen to whatever he's saying into her ear. Sam's insecurities swirl dangerously, filling his head, and he calls her about it before he can stop himself. His usually warm demeanor is stubbornly suppressed as he interrogates her about the situation. He can tell that she's getting upset with him as her replies get longer and louder._

Flying off the handle at his girlfriend after not being upfront with her and letting doubts fill his head—that was his second bout of stupidity.

_When she calls him childish, it __**sets him off**__. The insecurities bubble over, as he takes this as a confirmation of everything he's been telling himself. She thinks he's just a stupid high schooler and she doesn't want him. The accusations start to spew out of him. _

_Before he knows it, he screams out that this __**whatever they had**__ lately wasn't working for him, and that maybe she should give poetry guy a shot since she seemed to have all the time in the world for __**him**__._

Sam cringes as he remembers the long bit of silence over the line as he'd uttered those words. Accusing his girlfriend of wanting someone else and telling her he wanted to break up after flying off the handle at her after not being upfront about his feelings—that was his third and most fatal bout of stupidity.

_The silence is so long, he thinks she hung up. He regrets the words the second he says them, and he's already working out a profuse apology when she startles him by speaking again. Her tone is icy, worse than it'd been when he made that comment about Whitney Houston that one time, and Sam knows he's in trouble._

_Turns out, she is __**definitely**__ not poetry guy's type. In fact, poetry guy would more likely be interested in him than he ever would be in her. _

_Sam slaps a hand across his face as he listens to her, wondering if Carol would mind terribly if he stuck his head in the oven for a few hours._

_Poetry guy's name is Graham. His public tale of pursuance, is actually a public tale of new friendship—one that forms because Mercedes was lonely and missed her boyfriend. The writing piece she'd read aloud that day had been about Sam, how she feared she was losing him by going after her dream, how that scared her, but how she was trying to have faith they'd come out of this rough time because they always seemed to. _

_The night they'd studied in the library, it'd been less studying and more Mercedes feeling like she had finally found a real friend in a town where most people only looked out for themselves. Graham had admirably listened to her ramble on about her life and her relationship and her fears and it was the most settled she'd ever felt in her new city._

_The night she'd dragged herself out with him, she'd been moping around the apartment because Sam had been busy with practice and she couldn't Skype with him. Graham convinced her to come out and let loose a little so she wouldn't be holed up in the apartment being sad. _

_When he'd said it was good to see her smile, it'd been after Sam sent her a funny 'I Miss You' card with chocolates. She'd had Graham over to share it as they sat around watching DVR'd One Tree Hill reruns and swooning over James Lafferty. _

_When he'd complimented her look and her moves, it'd been harmless—one friend building up the other. _

_And when he'd been whispering in her ear—the music at the party was ridiculously loud, so he'd had to talk into her ear the entire night to be heard._

_And he could have known all of this if only he'd bothered to ask first._

_She'd promptly finished off this explanation by informing him he was an asshole for hurting her feelings and not trusting her. The first sign of trouble, and he crumbles. It crushes him to hear her say that she was right all along._

_The line goes dead after that_...and it stays that way.

Sam blows out a breath of air as the final boarding call for his flight sounds through the airport. He doesn't know if she still expects him for winter recess, but he's still going to take the risk and go. He's left her a few messages with his flight information, in addition to his dozens of apologies.

His plan is to just lead with a few more apologies, grovel at her feet, and pray she forgives him.

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**A/N:** Oooo, Sammy. _What did you do?_ Lol. **Did you like it? If you did, could you leave me a review?** **They make me happy.**

**A HUGE THANK YOU** to everyone who has left me reviews, alerted, favorited and everything else. Y'all just don't know how encouraging it is to hear that people liked the story, or they connected with something they read. It's just such a great feeling to open each one and read your words. So, thanks again!

Until next time_—_which will hopefully be _very_ soon!


	4. Chapter 4

Later, Sam would consider the awful irony of Graham becoming his greatest ally, but for now he's too busy laughing at his situation to do much else. Mercedes isn't so amused, turning to glare at him for a long moment before she goes back to banging on the door to the bedroom they're currently locked in and threatening Graham with bodily harm.

Leading up to this moment, his visit in LA had been the epitome of awkward. He'd _really_ fucked up and Mercedes wasn't anywhere close to over it. He'd been downright shocked she even showed up at the airport to pick him up, and couldn't help the relieved expression on his face when his roaming gaze found her in the crowd.

He'd flashed her a hesitant smile and she'd scowled, letting him know the exact state of affairs. He had some work to do. Her displeased expression couldn't keep him away from her, however, and he'd brought her into his embrace, whispering his apologies into her ear. Whatever she'd missed on all the voicemails he'd left, she'd heard then, as he'd hugged her tightly.

She'd been still clearly angry at him—her body hadn't melted into his embrace quite like it usually did, but she didn't push him away either and Sam tried to be encouraged by that.

The ride back to her apartment was mostly quiet. He hoped she would talk to him, yell at him, or give him any indication of what she was thinking, but she remained frustratingly silent—seemingly lost in her thoughts. Apart from a few superficial questions about his travels, and idle chatter about the great weather of Los Angeles, she remained in a dull mood.

Sam's frustrations started to build once he realized the rules were back in full effect. She'd tense at any sign of affection—pulling away when he tried to hold her hands, and stiffening when he tried to hug her. She'd even walked away from him entirely the one time he tried to kiss her, shuffling away to her room where she immediately placed a call to someone else, effectively shutting him out and avoiding the conversation they desperately needed to have.

He was frustrated with her for being so stubborn, but he was mostly frustrated with himself for being stupid—making a thoughtless decision that threatened damage their relationship beyond repair.

He knew it wouldn't be as easy as an apology, but he never expected her to distance herself like this. The reality of their situation was crushing now that he was finally near her again. His body ached to behave like it usually did in her presence—to hold her hand when they went out to dinner, to cuddle with her on the couch as they sat watching movies, to kiss her scowls away, and to make love to her every chance he got—but he quickly realizes the extent of the damage he'd wrought.

She only took him out to dinner at the least intimate places, full of crowds and noise, making it impossible for him to talk to her. She'd sit on the opposite end of the couch when they watched television, completely wrapped up in a sea of blankets, making him keep his distance. Anytime they found themselves on the precipice of an intimate moment—which he tried to create as often as he could—she found a way to ruin it.

To make matters worse, she'd relegated him to the couch for his stay—effectively ruling out any sex—creating the evilest form of torture every time she disappeared into her room for the night and left him with the knowledge that only a door and a bruised heart separated them from one another.

Every night he heard her frustrated sighs and groans as she tossed and turned in bed—letting him know she was affected by his presence even if she refused to talk about it—and it killed him not to be able to go to her.

He'd often hear her talking to her friends and always smiled sadly at how open she was with them—bickering with Graham on the phone, laughing with her friends from the studio, talking about school gossip with people from class. They hadn't had a conversation like that in weeks—in fact, she barely talked to him. She was there with him, physically living in the same space, but currently emotionally unavailable to him. Sam tried not to panic as he thought about what that meant.

It made him insane not to be able to talk to her about his feelings—feelings that definitely overwhelmed him as she took him around to all of her favorite spots and even tried new ones with him. After all, he was still planning on this life with her even if she was determinedly pushing him away at the moment. His heart couldn't consider the alternative. Even with her reticence he could still imagine what it would be like here with her and he wanted it more than he'd ever wanted anything else. She avoided the issue, however, never responding to his eager statements about their possible life together beyond a curt smile.

He was at his wits' end, watching his vacation slowly winding down without having made a bit of progress. The thought of heading back to Lima without setting their relationship in repair scared him more than he could say. He was right there with her in LA and he felt like an outsider in her life the way things were. He couldn't lose her, and he knew that's exactly what would happen if he left LA with the thread holding them together still in tatters. He just wished he knew what to do to make her listen.

When Graham had insisted on having them both over for a dinner party, Sam had almost declined, wanting to use all of his remaining time to talk to Mercedes. He understood why she was being stubborn, understood that this was hard for her, too, but he needed to make her understand.

He figured a few hours around her friends wouldn't hurt, though. She hadn't been around them the entire time he'd been there—and he _did_ want to meet them.

It'd all happened really fast from there. They'd showed up to Graham's house, later than the time Graham had specified, but had been the only ones there. Graham told them that the others were just running a bit late and proceeded to take the pie Mercedes and Sam had brought over into the kitchen while he talked to Sam about his stay in LA.

When Mercedes had excused herself to the bathroom, Graham had told her the guest bath wasn't available and directed her to his bedroom. Graham ushered Sam into the living room after her, under the pretense of waiting for the other guests to arrive.

As soon as they heard the bathroom door shut, Graham strong-armed a confused Sam into the bedroom, telling Sam that though he was inclined to think Sam was a fool for treating Mercedes like he had, he'd heard a good number of those messages while Mercedes cried on his shoulder, and truly believed he was sorry. He knew that Mercedes was stubborn, but Sam's careless attitude had really hurt her. He finished, saying she was probably going to kill him for this so Sam better make it worth the trouble. Sam sat in a daze as Graham pulled the door shut, locked it from the outside, and promptly exited the apartment. He would have thanked him, but he knew Graham hadn't done it for him.

Mercedes had exited the bathroom moments later, raised an eyebrow at Sam's presence in the bedroom, telling him he didn't need to wait for her as she headed to the door, and then all hell had broken loose.

Sam finally quiets his laughter long enough to inform Mercedes that Graham is long gone before he submits to his chuckles again. She groans in frustration, calling Graham a traitor, before turning angrily on Sam. He's laughing more in disbelief at the situation than anything else, but his laughter, for whatever reason, seems to incense her.

He chokes on his chuckles at the sight of the ire in her expression, but Sam could almost cry in relief when her fury_ finally_ brings the honesty. The words she's been keeping stoppered in come spilling out at last, releasing all of her emotions with them.

Standing in front of him, she starts with her anger—how she could smack him for treating her so carelessly—then swiftly moves on to her hurt. It kills him to see the tears in her eyes when she tells him she doesn't feel like she can talk to him. She brushes off the hand that tries to hold hers in comfort.

She feels like an idiot for going against her better judgment only for him to show her that it was a mistake. She'd had one major fear concerning their relationship, and even after all of his promises, he'd brought it to fruition without a moment's pause. He'd doubted her, treated her carelessly, and now she doubted him.

No matter how much she just wanted to accept his apologies and forgive him, the doubts still stood, presenting themselves as the nagging thought that she'd been right all along—that they couldn't make it work through the distance, that no happily ever after lied in wait, and the recently reinforced fear that they'd end up resenting each other when things went south.

He'd made promises to her, told her he knew they were meant to be together, that he was certain of their forever, that he'd always love her and need her—then, at the first test of their strength, he'd thoughtlessly cast her and all of it aside.

How was she supposed to trust him now? How could she talk to him about anything—not knowing what would set him off again? Would he even tell her when something was wrong, or would he just blow up and discard her again?

Sam finds himself shaking his head profusely at all of her questions, not bothering to hold back his own tears as he apologizes. He starts to panic, getting that same sinking feeling he felt on that horrible Valentine 's Day the year before.

Not communicating had gotten them into this horrible mess, so he resolves to communicate now—to be absolutely clear. He starts at the very beginning, finally coming clean about his feelings—how his insecurities regarding their separation had started to affect him. He comes clean about Graham and how everything surrounding that whole debacle had started to build to the point where it just got out of control.

He knows how stupid and wrong he was and he's so sorry he said those words. She'll never know how much. He was already sorry the moment he said them. The thought of being without her literally scares him shitless. He can't make any excuses and he doesn't try to. He was stupid and made a terrible decision.

He tells her as much, reaching for her face so she'll look at him, look into his eyes and see just how broken up he is about this. It was a stupid moment of anger, and he now stood to lose everything because of it. He doesn't care that he's practically begging when he asks her for another chance.

He kisses her face over and over despite his tears and hers, repeating just how much he loves her and how sorry he is. His promises to be better, to try harder, to do anything she needs him to do are mixed in along with his pleas for her not to end things.

When she brings her hands up to curl her fingers around his wrists, he almost thinks she's going to make him pull away from her face. He presses his forehead against hers, holding back a sob, and closing his eyes as he braces for the end. He's said and done everything he can. When she merely holds on, stepping closer to him, the weight of his relief has him sagging against her.

It doesn't all come together overnight, but Mercedes does forgive him that night. Graham comes home to a quiet apartment and cautiously unlocks the door—half expecting Mercedes to jump out and slash him. Instead he finds the exhausted couple wrapped up in each other on his bed, fast asleep.

He doesn't disturb them, knowing for a fact through his conversations with Mercedes, this is the most peaceful sleep they've gotten in days.

The rest of Sam's trip is hesitant in a different way. She's forgiven him, but they still take it slow. She's not ready to jump back in at full speed, fresh off their heart wrenching make-up, and Sam respects that. He'd vowed to give her what she needed, take care of her heart, and that's just what he intended to do.

It's almost like the beginning all over again, they're moving at a bit of a crawl, but Sam doesn't mind. It's worth it when he slides his hand over hers, as they drive around the city together, and feels her curl her fingers into his instead of pulling away.

It's worth it when she smiles adoringly into his chaste kisses as they cuddle on the couch watching movies.

It's worth it when she runs her fingers through his hair as he softly nuzzles her jaw.

It's worth it when she finally lets him into her bedroom that last night, sighing contentedly as he holds her.

It's worth it when she takes him to a quiet breakfast spot, her favorite, and admits it might be cool to make this a regular habit if he ends up in LA.

It's worth it when she says she loves him, too right before he leaves to board his plane.

It isn't perfect, but it's them. They're still together, still trying. It was going to be a lot of work, but anything worth something was—and this was worth everything.

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**A/N**: Hope to hear from y'all. **Please review!** :)

Damn. This update kicked my butt. I didn't think I'd get here, but I did.

Special thanks to** keeponsmilingg** for her review that helped shape this and her constant encouragement and belief that I could do this.

And as always,** A HUGE THANK YOU** to everyone who has left me reviews, followed, faved and everything else. It is so encouraging to hear from y'all, especially when the update beats me up and takes forever like this. So, thanks again!


	5. Chapter 5

The first few days after Sam leaves Los Angeles are the hardest. Things between him and Mercedes are on the mend, but also really vulnerable, which scares him. He can't help but wonder about how everything will progress between them, especially with the reintroduction of distance.

They go back to their individual lives—the same situations that almost unraveled them—and Sam worries that the same issues will pop up now that he can't just reach out and touch her, kiss her, or just share space with her at will. He knows that he thinks about her all the time, but he can't help his insecurities that she might find other things to occupy her time.

As precarious as their relationship is, he realizes how easily he could lose her, and the thought weighs very heavy on his heart—even still.

Instead of letting the thoughts fester in his mind, however, he brings it up to her this time, letting her know exactly how he feels. He's relieved to find comfort in her. She feels the same way, but she knows they can make it work if they really want this. Her determination and belief in their relationship appeases him and he feels even dumber for not having communicated his feelings to her earlier.

She tells him that if their rough patch has taught her anything, it's that she doesn't want to be without him. She confides that, in many ways, that's why what he'd done—the breezy way he'd dismissed her when he got upset—had hurt so badly. But, she's willing to move on from that, willing to rebuild, and willing to let him keep her heart if he wants it. She's willing to make the effort to stay together if he is.

_Of course he is_, and he enthusiastically tells her as much.

They make promises to each other in that conversation—promises to communicate, to be considerate of each other's feelings, to make time for one another, to make the effort to work together despite the distance—and Mercedes bursts out laughing at Sam when he tacks on love, cherish, honor, and obey.

She tells him they're not getting married. He tells her they're not getting married _yet_—and what a powerful operative word _that_ is. She calls him crazy, but they'd long since established she likes that particular quality, so he isn't too worried about her hesitance. She'd get on board sooner or later—there was no other option.

Life comes at them fast after that—duties, obligations, and opportunities at every turn. Sam's got swim meets, football, and glee practices. Mercedes has the studio, singing gigs all over town, and school work. But, they also have each other and they work hard to make time for that despite everything else going on.

Sam has a growing collection of 'just because' cards from Mercedes that she sends randomly with pictures of them inside, pictures he hasn't seen of their time together in Lima over Christmas break to their time together in Los Angeles. They're each accompanied with cute little love notes and funny commentary on the back that make his heart swell, but also make him miss her terribly.

His locker becomes a bit of shrine. He even takes down some of his Chapstick to accommodate the growing number of photographs—resolutely ignoring Artie's new found love of bursting into _I'm Sprung_ as he waits for Sam by his locker, and Tina's tendency to smile at him like he's an adorable baby animal every time he adds a new one.

He laughs the day he gets the link to his very first YouTube video from Mercedes, with explicit instructions not to go sharing the video publicly or deal with severe bodily harm. He shows it to Artie, Blaine, and Tina at lunch time anyway and the four of them spend the rest of that lunch period reminiscing about all of her amazing solos. It's Sam's turn to sing _I'm Sprung_ to Artie as his friend teeters somewhere between poetic and entirely inappropriate in his praises of Mercedes. It starts out funny, but his laugh quickly turns into a side-eye when he stops to think about it. He resolves to keep an eye on Artie after that.

Mercedes shakes her head and laughs during their Skype call late that night as he tells her about Artie's attempts to steal his phone when he'd discovered the arsenal of Mercedes Jones footage stored within. He'd literally had to run away and Artie hadn't been above rolling after him.

From then on, it becomes a thing. They trade videos singing to each other as often as they can. They also claim Sunday, their most relaxed day, as their day and Skype for hours at a time, connecting on all the big and little things going on in their lives. Everything from major life decisions about college—going as far as to fill out applications together— to Netflixing random movies together happens on these calls and both of them find themselves looking forward to the time—making the weeks apart go by much easier.

At some point every day, Mercedes gets an .mp3 in her email which immediately joins the 'Sam' playlist on her iPod. Graham teases her and her toothy smile every chance he gets, but he's happy to see it, and not the tears he'd grown accustomed to during their fight. He's even joined in some Skype calls now that Sam's done being an idiot.

They're both really happy with the state of things by the time Mercedes' spring break comes creeping around the bend. Sam has a countdown going, completely impatient to see his girlfriend, to feel her again. They've done nothing but talk in the last few months—something they'd desperately needed—but they're all talked out. His stupidity is the reason he hasn't had sex since January, and now, in mid-April, he's downright antsy at the thought of having her to himself again. Teasing each other over the phone and Skype sessions has done absolutely nothing to take the edge of.

It nearly kills him when she cancels her trip back to Lima a few days before she's supposed to be back. He has to bite his lip against the disappointed groan at the back of his throat threatening to come out. The label books her to sing in a few sessions and tour with an artist which could be really important to her getting signed for a demo deal and she can't pass it up. He understands, but it doesn't appease the letdown any.

He wants to bang his head against a wall when she projects for June instead. _June_, meaning she'll miss his birthday and probably prom, too. He won't even get to open his college acceptance letters with her, which he'd planned to do, hoping he got in somewhere in Los Angeles and they could really start planning. With graduation just around the corner, it hits him that these plans are more than just a lofty wish. This is soon to be his future, a future for them, and his disappointment doubles at having to put it off.

Everyday that he knows she should already be there with him is torture. He misses her so much and it suddenly feels as if the world around him is intent on reminding him of her. All of last year's seniors are back in town, roaming the McKinley halls as they visit their old friends. Her absence is even more notable as he looks around at their faces. His locker is torture with the pictures of them together taking up every available inch. The prom posters that adorn the hallways are torture, bombarding his brain with memories of the last two proms spent together—when he'd started to fall for her, when she was finally his. This one should have been the confirmation that they'd made it. It's overwhelming how bummed he is that she won't be there.

Sam thinks he's actually going through withdrawals by the time his birthday rolls around. What else can you call it when missing someone starts to physically hurt you? Everything has calmed down a bit with school now that football and swimming are over. There are no applications to write. Finals are a few weeks off. He's got all the time in the world, but no Mercedes.

She sends him a text that morning. It's a travel day for tour, and she says they'll talk later but that had been it for the whole day. By the time he walks into Glee that afternoon and Mr. Schue announces a special guest, he's nonchalant, unable to stop missing her. He doesn't even lift his head when the guest walks in until he hears Tina gasp from her seat next to him.

He's up out of his seat in seconds after that, unashamedly rolling Artie out of his path. No one but him was going to get there first. He swoops her up into a bear hug and kisses her, ignoring the catcalls, protests from Artie, and Mr. Schue trying to get everyone to settle down. It's a long moment before he lets her go and he's breathing harshly by the time he does. His stares at her hungrily as he thinks of the quickest way to get her alone. _Why hadn't he mastered teleporting yet?_

Sam's polite, though, he gives her moment with her friends, but then he's dragging her out of the room, the school entirely, and back to his place at the Hudmels. From there they don't talk. There a million things he needs to say, questions he needs to ask, plans they need to make, but, for now, it can wait.

They've done nothing but talk for the last two and half months. He just needs to feel her and he does just that, relishing the fact that she's back in his arms again after way too long. The only words that pass between them during that time are affirmations of how much they love each other, still need each other, whispered hotly against each other's skin—until the feelings they stir within one another carry them straight into incoherence. They'd talk later.

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**A/N:** How long's it been since the last update? Anyone still out there? Ha...but really. Anyone still there? Well, here it is. Hopefully you like it. I think there's one more part for this to be written, at some point. Yeah. I have no idea what's actually going on in S4 because I refuse to watch it, so this be my headcanon. **Review?**


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